Home is Behind, the World Ahead

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 01:06:38 GMT

Bought a kickass camera today, and a memory card.

It's so close. I'm scared!

Calm before the storm

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 20:27:15 GMT

Today is the first day that it started to dawn on me that I'm going to Ireland in less than two weeks. It's been surreal so far and I've been distracted by saying goodbye to dear friends and family... but reading my FUTURE ROOMMATE'S (yeah Carrie!!) travel blog from Australia has reminded me of all the crazy shit that happens when you're abroad, and I'm getting super excited. The first two weeks with my sister will especially kick ass. My only concern is that I hope I can refrain from comparing the people I will meet with the people in New Zealand, because those are some big shoes to fill.

On a completely dorky note, I have become literally obsessed with Lord of the Rings lately, I'm not sure why, possibly because I associate that story and the scenery and everything with travelling and goodbyes and green places... it makes me incredibly sad even just thinking about it and still I subject myself to it. There is a scene in the Return of the King between Faramir and Eowyn and it's the most cinematically pleasing thing I've ever seen... the lighting and lenses and music and editing all work so perfectly, it makes me feel like I'm in a dream. I seriously rewound it over and over the first time I saw it. After searching on the internet for a half hour (I LOVE GOOGLE) I was able to locate the song, which happens to be sung by Liv Tyler (!!!) and is so fucking beautiful I can't stand to listen to it. I recommend you download it: "Arwen's Song", it's only about a minute and a half but it could change your life.

This is it Arizona

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 20:42:46 GMT

Today is the day I say goodbye to my three. I seriously feel like I should have "the Grey Havens" theme playing behind me as I say "the Shire has been saved... but not for me."

Time to go.

I'm not dead

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 20:09:42 GMT

Ohhhhh buddy. It's been a long time since I've written on here... the summer is passing by in a haze of herb and excessive drinking to the point of absolute blackouts. I honestly don't know how I'm still alive. I've been having fun in the Boy House in spite of the army of roaches and the distraction of beautiful shirtless roommate Nate mowing the lawn. That's all I really feel like saying at this point... I plan on morphing this bitch of a journal into a travel blog in about three weeks. I'm starting to get really excited/scared for Ireland; I'm terrified of the final goodbye to Arizona and Club, but the celtic allure is beginning to manifest itself.

Believe...?

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 00:37:50 GMT

It is SO ANNOYING when you can't find a song on the internet. I thought I had a line of lyrics but after an hour and a half of searching and searching I think they might be wrong. At least I FINALLY got "Babe" by Styx. Yes I'm pretty gay. Oh, oh wait, no I'm not because I'll be in VEGAS in 15 hours!!

WOOOOO!!!!!!

"...we have one of his songs on our computer"

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 17:48:49 GMT

"Koi? That's not a desert fish!"
"There ARE no desert fish."

This was from a conversation with my sister last night. I laughed for ten minutes.

I am having the best summer ever. I go to the beach like every day, I'm spending a bunch of time with my family and Kiki, my biggest issue right now is shin splints (which actually hurt quite a lot). I have about 12 days left in California (boo/yay) and half of that is going to be taken up with trips. That's right, VEGAS BABY, we bought plane tickets yesterday, it's going to be me Kiki and Cory and it's going to be AWESOME. We return to Torrance at 7am and I will change and get in the car for two nights of fancypants wine tasting with my mom and sister. STOKED!

I love everything and everybody.

DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF

Sun, 28 May 2006 17:59:36 GMT

Ahh, "while it lasts"? Well it lasted til about 7pm yesterday. The AJ thing is over. I was pretty upset at the time, but I wasn't sad. I was angry that he managed to still get the upper hand even though this whole thing was kind of a joke to me. Well, not really a joke but definitely not serious. I mean I'm crazy about some other guy, how serious could I be? Yet I still end up looking like the Sad Girl. Silly Kasey. I should have learned my lesson the first three times.

I felt shitty all night; I kept waking up and thinking about it. I refuse to give any details because it's all much too humiliating... but when a door closes: I just went onto facebook and the lovely Jon Lolley had written a message - "hurry up already!". I couldn't believe it, I haven't even talked to him since we last worked together. It made me feel way better about the situation... I don't know why but I get along with Arizona boys 10,000x better than stupid conceited arrogant Californian boys.

Anyway, who cares? Let's go tanning!

FOLLOW YOUR BLISS

Sat, 27 May 2006 22:47:02 GMT

Why have I been freaking out? Things are good with both AJ and Brent... I'm an idiot for stressing about this. I should just enjoy the attention while it lasts.

Since my rant about the herb I have been much better. I have slipped a few times but I've been running on the strand like every day and I have a pretty good tan going... or at least a base for the rest of the time I'm here. Tanning is kind of addicting. This weekend has kicked ass so far, we went to dinner and saw XMen last night, tonight is the big soccer game in which we will watch David's nephew be a professional (literally), tomorrow I see my Ma's side for dinner and Monday my Dad's side for a BBQ. My biggest problem right now is the three loads of laundry I still have to do.

I love summer.

So stay with me and I'll have it made

Mon, 22 May 2006 18:52:28 GMT

The doob is killing me. I came home intending to whip myself into a hot little piece of ass to subsequently charm the pants off Brent (literally) when I got back to AZ... instead I sat and watched three movies in a row yesterday. While eating. Nonstop. GROSS!! I can't believe I did that... especially when I have invested so much in this "plan" already ($225 dollars for 20 sessions at an upscale tanning salon... California does something weird to me).

Speaking of, I have had strange nightmare/dreams about Brent and other girls from our class the last two nights. I hadn't realized that I was so paranoid.

I am also sabotaging whatever it is that I have with AJ. I screened his calls all weekend, including a little song he "wrote for me" entitled "kasey b, a la mode" and left on my voicemail. I adore him! So why am I doing this?? I called him back last night and things were awkward, to say the least. I need to make a decision on this, not necessarily about what I want but how I am going to approach it.

I'm bored and don't feel like doing laundry... somebody else update!

I am SO SICK of streaky self tanner

Thu, 18 May 2006 18:34:25 GMT

Had a nice evening with Kik yesterday, except for running into all the girls we never wanted to see again. All of them. Sat in the booth next to us. We literally ran away.

Later Eddie and AJ and David met up with us... I don't even know. It's like AJ and I repeat the same cycle every couple of years. I feel almost taken advantage of because my feelings for him have never really gone away, even since high school. I think he knows this and since everyone else has girlfriends and he's feeling lonely I am a good quick fix. Yet I will still make out with him in his truck outside my house while Led Zeppelin is on the radio. Seriously, am I 16?? The one difference this time around is that he wants to "hang out this weekend"... maybe things will be different ...for a month...?

And the other thing is that if I knew that Brent was doing this while I was gone I would be pretty upset... we're not together or even dating but it still seems like an unspoken rule that we might when I get back... how do I justify this to myself?

Hey are you hot in Arizona?? Because it's 75 degrees here HAHAHA

Mon, 15 May 2006 18:58:44 GMT

As much as I hated on Cholla, I was a little nostalgic as I was leaving. My room was pretty sweet. Especially because I got fucked up in it on a daily basis. Suckers.

Moving sucked ASS. I waited til the very VERY last minute and had to get up at 5am to finish... still, the afternoon spent with TA Brent was worth it. My whole drive home consisted of getting high and basking in the afterglow of the fact that he kissed me goodbye.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO GLAD TO BE HOME!! This summer is going to kick ass.

Thu, 11 May 2006 18:32:20 GMT

PS I refuse to answer my room phone unless I am specifically on checkout duty. So stop trying.

It wasn't even that funny but I died laughing

Thu, 11 May 2006 18:19:51 GMT

Had a really strange night at work... started out good, got really bad, then good again... but I think my favorite part of the whole night was noticing what someone wrote on the spill log by the bar. You know, the clipboard where people write down if they waste a drink somehow: "5/7...1 stein Canadian Molson...customer didn't like," etc. I saw at the bottom someone had anonymously written "5/9...80 glasses beer...drank them". I laughed and laughed and laughed. I think the best part is that they just walked away and waited for someone to notice.

Still pretty effing happy, in spite of it all

Wed, 10 May 2006 06:45:51 GMT

Five Things I Really Like:
1. The Sonic commercial featuring the bacon and egg burrito ("Dude Bacon sounds awesome! I want to hang with Bacon!!")
2. When Jon Lolley (work) recognizes a song I'm humming from the Rent soundtrack
3. The theme in Lord of the Rings that plays every time they show Eowyn or Rohan
4. Clean sheets
5. The way that Brent (TA) will call me out on my stupid girl shit and then in the next breath accomodate my insecurities

Five Things I Really Don't Like:
1. How my feather duster just pushes dust around
2. Melty resin... so gross
3. Calling it "duty" when it really means all night checkouts
4. Moving
5. How for some reason I simply cannot download a legit version of "Babe" by Styx

JOY!!

Tue, 09 May 2006 07:26:27 GMT

My heart feels like it's about to burst

Heart vs. Brain...

Sat, 06 May 2006 07:07:21 GMT

That's it; I'm officially in love with my TA, and there's nothing I can do about it.

And the plot thickens

Wed, 03 May 2006 18:32:45 GMT

I gave up on my TA some weeks ago, it just wasn't going to happen... until I received an email from him this morning. After class yesterday he had said something about drinking and I had responded "yes! let's go get wasted" and while I meant it I assumed he was just making fun of my alcoholic tendencies, so I left. I got the email from him this morning asking why I didn't want to drink yesterday... ACK!! So I invited him out tomorrow or the weekend, oh GOD I hope he comes because there's still something about him that makes me a little crazy. This could get messy considering Greg's friends think I'm like his girlfriend or something but come on, I'm leaving this whole mess in a week and a half anyway.

ARS498, you are killing me

Mon, 01 May 2006 23:11:21 GMT

Dude... get me out of this stupid classroom, our papers were turned in last week, I want to go home! This is what comes of being in a class with grad students who have no lives. I'm effing starving.

I haven't slept in my own bed since Saturday... which sounds really bad but it so isn't. Aside from the gigantic welt on my neck that takes three inches of makeup to cover, it's been pretty PG13. I don't know where it's going and I'm content not to... I am having a good time though. Plus his friends are seriously the funniest people EVER... had an interesting conversation over a few bowls and a couple of beers that ended in the agreement that a spork would only be a good weapon in prison if you put AIDS on the end of it.

And yes, what I said previously about my Boy Hiatus is obviously invalid, I realize this... but isn't that the way the universe works? As soon as I really meant it, I mean like the NEXT DAY I get tossed a pretentious, incredibly smart east coast hippie character who hates washing shot glasses and is so not my type... but it's too hilarious to stop.

Best $6.48 you can spend

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 22:05:56 GMT

So I kicked the Geese Book's ass. I did 90% of my paper/presentation (which was supposed to be a semester's worth of work) the morning that it was due... yet people seemed okay with it. My teacher told me it was good (!), the other undergrad in the class was very supportive, and one of the grad students told me she was impressed and that it was interesting. That may have been the greatest compliment, only because art history definitely has the ability to be super boring. Sooo huge weight lifted, that was the one class I was crazyworried about.

ONE WEEK LEFT... I have an insane amount of drawing work to do, but I know I can do it. And when Tuesday is over, I'm taking a bath in Miller Lite.

I got my loan, I'm officially accepted, Ireland is happening. I can't believe it.

Kiki moved her wedding up to July! THIS YEAR!! OMG I'm freaking out... but it's going to be awesome. I can't wait to go home and start really planning.

I am SO EXCITED to be out of effing Cholla in like two weeks... if everything works out with Chris and Taka and the house this may be the greatest summer ever.

PS Huzzah Erin, I'm glad you're not dead. Oh and she's marrying David Bornstein, isn't that adorable?!

Vine for life

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 23:10:36 GMT

My crazy boss who has a reputation for being a bitch (and by whom I'm totally intimidated) told me today: "You know, you're doing a really good job. You're fitting in with the staff, you're good with the customers, no problems..."
Me: "Well I just really, really love this job. More than anywhere else I've worked. And everyone is SO FUNNY!!"
Laura: "Yes well it usually goes like that. If you fit in you love it; if not, you hate it."
I almost passed out. What a nice thing to say. Hopefully this will all help towards me being able to take a month off in summer.

In a week and a half, I am free from school. One week from Tuesday. I can't imagine what it will be like; except me and Lauren getting wasted everyday and laughing at people with finals.

Erin, update your journal. I'm having withdrawals.

Thu, 20 Apr 2006 08:30:49 GMT

No seriously. SERIOUSLY. I love my job at the Vine SO FUCKING MUCH.

Fuck three hour drawings, I have to work!

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 19:05:40 GMT

I don't know why I don't update on here anymore. I always like reading other people's entries yet I am too lazy to write my own. That's not fair. So here goes:

I seriously need to reorganize my life. I have been thinking the past few days that if I could just write down my goals and priorities, then maybe I could begin to be the person I've been meaning to grow into. Cheesy I know but seriously important to me. I have let myself get tangled in emotional baggage and loneliness and that's not who I am or want to be. I think the biggest and most pressing change is a shift in attitude. I have to stop wishing for that elusive Relationship and projecting feelings onto people that either don't deserve it or are so completely out of my league that it's just not funny. I have a feeling this will also cut down on a lot of work drama (even though I TALK to a boy for 5 minutes and the bussers run around screaming "She likes you!" Serious, it's happened like 3 times already. This is what comes of working with 17 year olds).

Speaking of immaturity, I have over three weeks left in Cholla and God help me, I don't know if I can do it. I hate this fucking place. A couple of the girls on this staff are the worst examples of immaturity and may I say, dumb bitches. I may be a hypocrite but I do NOT participate in staff drama, and yet I'm dragged into it anyway. Ew! I can't stand to look at their stupid underage faces.
The other problem with Cholla (haha, who am I kidding? One more of the MANY problems) is the construction. And the yardwork. And the construction and yardwork at the same time. And the fact that they start whenever they feel like it, be it 9am, or 7am, or 5am. True stories, all of them. I have very few mornings that I can sleep in, and I get seriously sick and unproductive if I don't get enough sleep, and my bed is SO comfortable, and it's all RUINED because Tempe likes to do construction on every street within a one mile radius of ASU. This school is making it really hard to be sad about leaving.

Alright it's time for strategizing a master plan. In a protected entry, of course. PS Ireland is set; I'll be there from approximately August 20th til December 21. If I like you, come visit!

Dangerous, so dangerous

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 19:37:43 GMT

Had a great great birthday... I received the greatest gift you can give: Law and Order: SVU, Season One.

The bouncer left me another message but I can't bring myself to call him back after he witnessed my awful fall.

I LOVE MY NEW JOB!!!

Five songs I am seriously digging right now:
1. Norah Jones -- Nightingale
2. U2 -- Original of the Species
3. Coldplay -- Amsterdam
4. Tom Petty -- Time to Move On
5. Sublime -- Steppin' Razor

My new friend at work and I were talking while we sat and waited on the stupid poker people for two hours last night and we both realized that we didn't know what continent Israel was on. Before you judge, we asked three other people and they didn't know either. Furthermore, when I tried to look it up on the internet it took me like 15 minutes! I finally found it on some obscure website, even the CIA didn't have it on theirs. You can't assume people are going to know these things. Americans are dumb.

Anyway... IT'S THURSDAY!! I don't know why but I am SO EXCITED to go out!

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 22:55:28 GMT

Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories
Staring out on to Grey Street

She thinks, “Hey,
How did I come to this?
I dream myself a thousand times around the world,
But I can’t get out of this place”

There’s an emptiness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart

How she wishes it was different
She prays to God most every night
And though she swears it doesn’t listen
There’s still a hope in her it might

She says, “I pray
But they fall on deaf ears,
Am I supposed to take it on myself?
To get out of this place”

There’s a loneliness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
To grey

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 03:19:43 GMT

Nightingale
Sing us a song
Of a love that once belonged
Nightingale
Tell me your tale
Was your journey far too long?

Does it seem like I'm looking for an answer
To a question I can't ask
I don't know which way the feather falls
Or if i should blow it to the left

All the voices that are spinnin' around me
Trying to tell me what to say
Can I fly right behind you
And you can take me away